Posted by: daveed | August 18, 2008

Coldplay vaguely sucks

Sasha Frere Jones’s excellent article about Coldplay published in the New Yorker (“La Vida No Loca: Coldplay’s expanding gas.”) vindicates my belief that Coldplay is a horrifically mediocre band. Their success defies explanation—until I remember that the median tastes of most people puts them squarely at average. Which is exactly what they are. Average.

(OK, a few years ago Chuck Klosterman said that “Coldplay is absolutely the shittiest fucking band I’ve ever heard in my entire fucking life.” Then again, in classic transference befitting a neurotic like Klosterman, he blames them for not getting laid.)

However, Jones is in another league of music criticism altogether, and his review of Coldplay’s latest puts the bands “legacy” into perspective. It’s one of pretentious lyricism and vapid, empty pop that has successfully insinuated itself into our collective iPod brain, fooling us into believing whatever Coldplay does to be so significant.

Mark my words: in less than a decade, Chris Martin will be scoring pretentious Broadway musicals about global warming. Or (God help us), publishing a book of poems extolling the righteousness of 21st-century veganism. And he will make money hand over fist doing it…


  1. in my opinion their your typical modern pop rock band, the songs are catchy but after a few listens they get really annoying, as with clocks and the new single.

  2. So true, so true. Coldplay really is awful. I enjoyed one song of theirs, Trouble. But all of their work is just a kind of recycling of the sound they had with their first album. And from album to album, it just gets worse. X&Y was a sharp decline. And Viva is absolute shit. I agree with your assessment of Chris Martin and his future works. And isn’t it so perfect that he is married to Gwyneth? That’s poetry.

  3. I liked “God Put a Smile on Your Face” from the second album. “Clocks”, as Steve says, starts our catchy (I first heard it at a Yankee game, actually) then gets annoying. Everything else is so soporific.

    For me, Paltrow is in the same league, just a different medium. It’s not surprising how far one can go on average talent when you have their backgrounds, upbringing and connections.

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