It’s official: Hollywood has run out of ideas. A Mr. & Mrs. Smith reboot/remake/retread is in the works.

Czech out this collection of insane foreign movie posters. On the surface the results are laughable. But I see a subversive element at work here. It’s no coincidence that many of these posters are from former Soviet Bloc countries, where every expression had political overtones and censorship was the institutionalized norm.

It’s likely that some of the artists never saw single frame of film. And in many respects, because the posters are more interpretive, they make for better works of pop art than what’s on display at highbrow modern art galleries.

For my “rewrite and polish” screenwriting class at the New School, this week’s assignment was to rewrite a scene from Kevin Smith’s draft for the nixed Superman Lives. I’m rather proud of what I came up with in a few hours , especially since I’m fairly agnostic when it comes to superhero canon. And it’s got me thinking about writing a mature Superman story someday.

The scene, which is between Lois Lane and Clark Kent, is supposed to underscore some tension between the two about their relationship. They’re in love, he wants to settle down, she doesn’t. As the scene plays out you understand why Lois is resisting.

But Smith’s scene lacks dramatic tension, or even intimacy. And it’s supposed to be an exchange between characters who are deeply in love yet struggle to make their relationship work in the face of the greater good. The tone veers awkwardly between serious and jokey, rehashing the corniness that seems to infuse most Superman stories.

So I chose to make the scene darker, but not just with dialogue. I took the original setting and amped up the visual descriptions, turning it into something more ominous and serious. I like the idea that Superman chafes at his responsibilities, that he is angry at a world that he feels needs saving all the time, when he just wants to live his own life. And I like Lois struggling with her own selfish feelings for the Man of Steel. There’s an undercurrent of danger, maybe even loss, which can make for good drama.

It’s a quick rewrite, and looking at it makes me want to shift a few things. Not knowing the entire script I kept a couple of passages and a cut-to scene that I didn’t understand. But I think my take would make a helluva Superman film; I certainly welcome an opportunity to get paid for a gig like that.

View Kevin Smith’s original draft here. (Search for “Rushmore” in the text to find the original). Smith talks about the crazy Hollywood rabbit hole he went down while writing it:

District 9 co-writer Terri Tatchell talks about the Oscars and what she and writing partner Neill Blomkamp have set their sights on.

The four nominations D9 received are well deserved. It’s fantastic when a film—in effect the genuine talent behind it—gets recognized. And it’s a shame that its star, Sharlto Copley, wasn’t. As Tatchell puts it:

I’m so excited to have been nominated for the screenplay, but I’m also excited that it got nominated for Best Picture. Probably more excited about that. There are so many people that worked so hard on this film, and I don’t think it would have been as big of a success without them, like Sharlto Copley. He was amazing in it, and I hate that he didn’t get a nomination. So I feel like the Best Picture represents everybody.

Hear, hear.

The noms are in, and they’re pretty much what I expected. Avatar has a shitload of them, and will probably walk away with a handful of statues. But a big Thumbs Up to the Academy for giving four nominations to District 9. Not only is it an amazing film, and quite possibly the best of its genre in decades, it totally kicks the crap out of Cameron’s 3D ripoff of, er paean to a bunch of other stories .

I believe the universe exists as delicate balance of opposing forces that are constantly in flux. So a big Middle Finger to the Academy for not nominating D9’s lead Sharlto Copley, and for completely ignoring Moon and its star, the irrepressible Sam Rockwell. (Apparently Sony pictures didn’t want to pony up for DVD screeners of Moon for fear of video piracy. Fucking lame excuse if I ever heard one.)

As for the rest, frankly I couldn’t give a shit. Of that list I saw I think three: Up, Coraline and the utterly atrocious Inglourious Basterds. I’ll be getting a good night’s sleep on March 7.

Via “Great” Scott Myers at Go Into The Story, the 100 cheesiest movie quotes of all time:

Most are definitely Grade A. Others walk the fine line between cheese and bad ass. Like Camembert. Or have acquired their special fermentation only after sitting around for too long, like Jerry Maguire’s “You complete me… You had me at hello,” exchange.

Others, such as The Room, Batman Forever and Revenge of the Sith, are like government surplus cheese—bland, expected, meh.

File this under way cool: The New York Times recently published a fascinating interactive map of Netflix rental habits for major metropolitan areas across the country, organized by zip code.

The results are to be expected, but for one puzzling trend. Except for a few odd holdouts (yeah, I’m looking at you, you non-conformists in 07522), the number one rental in all these areas during 2009 was The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. That means from South Beach to the Back Bay, all the way to the Windy City and beyond, this is what most urbanites chose to see on their television screens:

Huh? Metro-friendly films like Milk or Slumdog Millionaire, I can see—both are strong contenders on the Netflix list. But it’s hard to imagine how this film, which got respectable, if not glowing reviews, and which didn’t break even at the domestic box office (did it really cost $150 million??) could be so universally popular on home video. It defies rational analysis…

It’s been a source of many a sleepless night, as I’ve been gripped by intense struggle over the aesthetic, linguistic and dramatic implications of this, our latest English language masterpiece:

The Big Lebowski, according to William Shakespeare. Or rather, A Most Extraordinary and Sublime Imitation of The Bard, with all Due Flattery and Respect (Or is it “Reʃpect”?), owed to The Master.

Here’s a brilliant riff on one of my favorite scenes:

WALTER
I mark thee, and pay tribute to thy wits,
Deduction noble made, but all the same
Must query quick the nature of this crime
That leads me out of doors on Sabbath eve.

THE KNAVE
Sir Walter, prithee cease; thou art no Jew.
Of Papists born in Poland was thy line.

WALTER
Thou knowest I converted ere I wed
The Lady Cynthia.

THE KNAVE
But that is past;
Five twelvemonths cross’d the sky since thou were wed.

WALTER
‘Tis true, I have in oath and court of law
Made a divorce betwixt Cynthia and me,
But doth equivocation turn a heart?
When justice calls a Jew into the court
Must not a Jew emerge? Is he anew?
May I no more of libraries borrow,
Or push my cart, or be my selfsame man?
The Hebrew turns not Christian; he is rock.

THE KNAVE
Thy sickness for fair Cynthia is sad;
Thou carest for her cur, though are not wed,
And still her synagogue thou dost attend.
Thou livest in the most accursed past.

WALTER
Forsooth! Three thousand years of history,
Traditions beauteous from Moses on:
Thou speakest damnéd truth, and speakest well,
I am a man to live in bygone past!
But let’s away; the big Lebowski waits,
And fate rewards no man who hesitates.

[Exeunt]

I’ve always had a hard time getting my head around Shakespeare, especially when trying parse what’s on the written page. Thank the gods someone is staging Two Gentlemen of Lebowski. Wonder if intermission refreshments will include white russians.

WALTER
I mark thee, and pay tribute to thy wits,
Deduction noble made, but all the same
Must query quick the nature of this crime
That leads me out of doors on Sabbath eve.
THE KNAVE
Sir Walter, prithee cease; thou art no Jew.
Of Papists born in Poland was thy line.
WALTER
Thou knowest I converted ere I wed
The Lady Cynthia.
THE KNAVE
But that is past;
Five twelvemonths cross’d the sky since thou were wed.
WALTER
‘Tis true, I have in oath and court of law
Made a divorce betwixt Cynthia and me,
But doth equivocation turn a heart?
When justice calls a Jew into the court
Must not a Jew emerge? Is he anew?
May I no more of libraries borrow,
Or push my cart, or be my selfsame man?
The Hebrew turns not Christian; he is rock.
THE KNAVE
Thy sickness for fair Cynthia is sad;
Thou carest for her cur, though are not wed,
And still her synagogue thou dost attend.
Thou livest in the most accursed past.
WALTER
Forsooth! Three thousand years of history,
Traditions beauteous from Moses on:
Thou speakest damnèd truth, and speakest well,
I am a man to live in bygone past!
But let’s away; the big Lebowski waits,
And fate rewards no man who hesitates.

From the mists of Pandora…
It’s the new JAKE SULLY ACTION FIGURE!
With POWER WHEELCHAIR GRIP!
Have him FIGHT OFF INSULTS about his handicap!
Or MOPE AROUND THE GARAGE waiting for his turn as an Avatarrrr!!!
(Acting ability not included…)

Yes, like most people in Western Civilization, I saw Avatar, the biggest damn juggernaut to plow into the cinemas since James Cameron’s previous epic. I saw it twice and now I know why it’s called disposable income.

Ever wanted to play a zombie sim? How about one that let’s you unleash hordes of brain-eating undead on Washington DC? (Insert zombie-and-politician joke here.) Then this website is for you.

It’s more like a demo for now, with limited functionality, but still fun. You can mess around with several different variables such as the number of zombies, how long it takes for the infection to manifest, and so on. And the sound effects—complete with screaming victims and creepy horror music—are great.

With the promise of more to come, this could very well be the Greatest. Website. Ever.

See the preview trailer:

I established a completely fictitious DC, one in which 2nd Amendment rights were fully respected—every citizen was armed and had 100% shooting accuracy. The zombies didn’t stand a chance and the brave, gun-toting public wiped them out in less than a minute.

Naturally, an armed citizenry is our best defense against a future zombie uprising…

http://daugustyn.wordpress.com/2009/12/23/why-the-internet-was-created